Four Words You Say After Sex

That was really boring.

Friend me on Facebook.

I’ll call a locksmith…

That never happened before…

GET OFF OF ME!

Call you a cab?

What’s the problem, Officer?

Will that wash out?

Wow, that was awkward…

huh?…you said stop.

What was your name?

Yes, I am awake.

It’s just a rash.

You are my first.

I’m not a hooker!

8 inches my ass!

Where’d my husband go?

I’m keeping your panties.

Shit! Lost my watch.

Seven Deadly Sins of Dating

In your search for a great relationship, you shouldn’t just leave things to luck. There are many things that you can do that can enhance your dating experience. Unfortunately, though, there are also an awful lot of things that you can do to make sure that you’re a dating flop.

The following are the most common mistakes made by daters.

• The False Front – though it is important to look good when you’re dating, remember that you should always be realistic. If you do meet someone you like, you will be seeing that person a lot. In that case, you won’t be spending several hours getting ready every time. There is a difference between looking nice, and setting your date up for disillusionment. When you get ready, remember to be yourself. Look your best, look good, but make sure that it’s you in there! No false fronts.

• Availability – when you’re dating, it’s important to make yourself available when you find someone you like. After all, you’ve gone to an awful lot of effort to find a person who may qualify for a relationship. That person won’t stick around forever if you don’t put in some effort.

• Realistic Fun – relationships are often a lot of fun when they first get started. Everything is so fresh, exciting, and new. However, it doesn’t take long to discover that fun can only go so far. Make sure that you have other things in common, such as goals and values, if you want something long-term. Other than fun, you need to keep your eyes open for companionship, respect, love, and commitment. With those characteristics, you’re bound to have fun and a great relationship.

• Perfectionism – we all have our own fantasies about the right person. After building up this fictional Mr. or Ms. Right for so long, it can be hard to let a real person in. After all, real people are flawed. There is nothing wrong with having a dream. Just don’t let your dream block out a perfectly good person for a great relationship. Remember that it is our quirks and idiosyncrasies that make us special. Instead of rejecting them, treasure them when they come in a great person.

• Immediacy – a relationship isn’t something that happens instantly. Though you may want a relationship immediately, unless you give it time to grow, you’ll only be disappointed. Give yourself the opportunity to meet people, get to know people, like people, and find the right person. By rushing into a relationship, you’re setting up for a fall.

• Needs – though love is very important in a relationship, there is a lot more to it than just one emotion. The Beatles song “All You Need is Love” is sweet, but isn’t the key to a long-term relationship. You (and your partner) have many needs, and they all need to be met for things to work. Love is only one of those needs. You also need to remember responsibility, appreciation, trust, intimacy, and many other important factors.

• Time – one of the hardest things to admit to yourself is that a person you’ve been seeing for a long time isn’t the person for you. You may have known it from the start of the relationship, but didn’t want to hurt any feelings. The thing is, the longer you wait, the harder it will be. While you’re dating, you’re testing out different people to find the right one for you. If you discover that you’re with the wrong person, the best thing you can do is stop. It’s only fair to yourself and to your partner.

By avoiding these most common mistakes, you’ll be much more certain to have a happy relationship. It will meet your needs and those of your partner. It will also last much longer, and through many more obstacles.

Sex Toys “As Seen on T.V.”

 

CalExotics & Dr. Laura Berman Go Prime-Time

Aphrodite Massager Featured on ABC’s Private Practice Chino, CA.

Thousands of television viewers now know why CalExotics customers have been smiling! On the Thursday, November 5th episode of ABC Television’s Private Practice, character Charlotte King was seen distributing Aphrodite Massagers to the staff of her newly formed sex therapy practice. The Aphrodite is part of the Dr. Laura Berman Collection, manufactured and distributed by California Exotic Novelties.

“This is another big step for the industry,” says CalExotics Director of Marketing, Al Bloom. “When adult products are featured in prime-time, it gives couples the green light to explore their intimate desires… and they’ll be asking about the Aphrodite.” Bloom goes on to explain that “when I worked on the product placement with the Producers of Private Practice, I realy didn’t know when or if it would appear…it was a pleasant surprise!” “People will see Charlotte and say, ‘I’ll have what she’s having’!” jokes VP/Sales, Jackie White “As Dr. Berman’s products become more and more recognized, retailers will not want to miss the boat.”

The Aphrodite Vibrator’s deluxe design features intense vibration and unique infrared heating technology in a single unit, making it a welcome addition to any couple’s sexual menu. Whether it’s soothing tired muscles at the end of a long day, or heating things up for a fun-filled night, the Aphrodite is a powerful tool for creating pleasure. Compatible with an array of alluring attachments, it’s a versatile companion for adult play.

Dr. Laura Berman has appeared on CNN, Fox News, The Oprah Winfrey Show and regularly hosts the Dr. Laura Berman Show on Sirius XM Satellite Radio. Dr. Berman is also the author of a newspaper column and several books, including Real Sex For Real Women. Her collection of signature products is widely recognized for unmatched design, originality and function. “It’s refreshing that mainstream television is dealing realistically with issues of intimacy and sexual satisfaction,” said CalExotics President and Founder, Susan Colvin. “And the producers chose the right collection to feature on the program! The Dr. Laura Berman line is at the forefront of industry innovation and definitely a first-choice for women and couples looking for more from their sex lives.” Fresh off its previous exposure on The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Aphrodite is quickly becoming the most famous massager in the world!

How a Sex Toy Industry Mom celebrates her 40th birthday

I have been forty for almost two weeks.  I celebrated my birthday with friends at a XXX Costume Party in my new home.  There were 100+ guests in attendance.  The party was filled with scantily clad women in exotic costumes and lingerie and several men with their “stuffed” members hanging out.   We partied into the wee hours;  dancing to the loud beats of techno, downing jello shots and sucking vodka out of the nipples and penis of Lugez molds.   I had goody bowls scattered throughout the house with complimentary pillow packets of lube, “Good Head” lip balm and rubber coasters, compliments of my friends at Doc Johnson.  The men that had balls enough to answer my cat calls for big dick were awarded with the Big O cock rings.  The ladies that were sexy in my eyes received Sex Toy dot com rabbits.  It seemed appropriate and ironic that after having hundreds of parties in my 40 years that on this night, three police officers would show up at 1:00 am to shut it down.  Fortunately, being forty, had its advantages.  I think the police were expecting a high school party where the parents were away.  Shutting all the windows and doors, containing the music inside was enough and the party roared on.

The following day, a group of diehards were still awake, drinking beers and watching football.  The street was littered with red plastic cups, beer bottles and cans.  The lawn showed evidence of someone attempting to leave and being stopped by a light pole.  The cake went untouched, whereas all of the munchies were crushed into the rugs throughout the house.   There wasn’t an ounce of alcohol left in the house.  Some poor bastard opened the kids sparkling cider and drank the entire bottle, I suspect thinking it was champagne.

Before I could clean the house and take Advil I heard pictures were being added and comments made about the party on Facebook.  I was happy.  At forty I and fellow forty year olds could still party like rock stars and brag about it.  The amount of time to recover was a little longer then it was in my twenties and thirties.  However the satisfaction and appreciation for a wild night was greater at forty.

Discreet High End Condom Cases on TV

Just in Cae II

JUST IN CASE Intimacy compacts take center stage on the new hit Syndicated Daytime Talk Show – The Doctors

 

A Stage 29 LLC production, The Doctors, stars four renowned physicians with different medical specialties – ER physician (and former ABC “Bachelor”) Dr. Travis Stork; OB/GYN Lisa Masterson; cosmetic surgeon Dr. Andrew Ordon and pediatrician Dr. Jim Sears. This groundbreaking new talk show does for health care what Dr. Phil has done for psychology – provides frank discussions in a fascinating, off-the-cuff manner. Expect these medical experts to weigh in on compelling guest issues and dispense valuable information about health topics du jour.

 

On January 13^th the subject is SEX – and no part of this subject is off limits.

JUST IN CASE® Intimacy compacts are being featured on the show as the perfect solution to carry and store condoms safely and with style.

 

SEX – It sells.  It is controversial.  Yet it is of vital importance in our lives and relationships. So what is the message about SEX this go ‘round?

 

SEX can enhance your relationship – and there are companies out there helping couples to find the joy of sex again – but one element that stands out in the message of having sex and staying healthy is: SAFETY first.

 

The Mother//Daughter founders of Just In Case, Inc., Marsha Bartenetti and Rachael Sudul, were on the show to talk about their unique product and mission that addresses this very issue.  “The condom is a woman’s product, and we are a business founded by women – with a product that finally addresses the needs of women in the area of sexual health.” says Sudul.

JUST IN CASE® compacts are the first way for women to carry protection with a woman’s requirement for style in mind.  It is a chic little compact with a mirror and hidden compartment to carry condoms.  “We believe that our product will re-define personal care to include sexual health”, says Bartenetti.  “And it’s about time.” It’s also a great way to open up a dialog between mother and daughter about staying safe.”

 

“All the information out there about the consequences of having unprotected sex – (In fact the CDC recently released a study declaring that 1 in 4 teens has an STD Sexually Transmitted Disease) hasn’t seemed to change the behavior of sexually active teens or adults– The statistics are alarming and women are in trouble. Information alone is not enough to change behavior. We believe that trends do change behavior – and this trend just might save a life,” says Bartenetti. 

 

“It was our mission in starting our company to create a product – an accessory – that women would be proud to carry in their purses – and empower them to carry protection, adds Sudul.  “Remember – women love the Pretty – and to be in style is paramount. Not to mention the privacy factor. Just like the scene in Sex in The City when Carrie drops her purse and condoms come flying out – right in front of Mr. Big! She was totally embarrassed. If only she had had a  JUST IN CASE®  compact.

And to be safe…well, that speaks for itself.  At the end of the day – we are all responsible for our own bodies – our own health. And when you’re finished with the condom stage of your relationship the JIC compact also makes a perfect pill box.” 

 

“We are having the time of our lives creating beautiful products for women to keep them safe.  Look for new designs in 2009, adds Bartenetti.

 

 Check for local listings of The Doctors on:  http://www.thedoctorstv.com

Discreet Valentine Day Gift

 

Christmas Eve will be the official two month nicotene free mark

Quit if you Can

It is hard to believe that I used to smoke almost two packs of cigs a day.  I loved it!  I loved the feeling of a butt between my fingers, the slow sensual drag off the cigarette, the feeling of satisfaction when the smoke hit the deepest depths of my lungs, the comraderie of the smokers and the sense of security knowing that smoking would make me feel better in any situation.  I would consider the cigarette my BFF for the last twenty-five years.   

I knew that I had to quit.  I started waking up in the morning with a small cough.  It became difficult to take a real deeeeep breath.  I often heard myself wheezing (scary).  I hated paying forty plus dollars every week to the tobacco store.  It freaked me out seeing the scare-tactic stop smoking advertisements.  I guess, most importantly, I realized that I was getting older and I didn’t want to die!  Of course we all die but, would I purposely step in front of an oncoming car?  Obviously not!  So why would I continue to do something to myself that would harm me?  I don’t even have to mention…my children, everyday, telling me to quit!

October 24th was the day.  I didn’t plan it.  It was just the day after my former co-workers had a party for me to celebrate my resignation…kidding.  No, it was my going away party and it was also the last day of my 38th year.  I smoked like a chimney and I drank like a fish.  I had a great time!  Unfortunately, six strong margaritas did not agree with me and I ended up curbside.  I also ended up on a friends couch.  The morning of the 24th arrived with a loud non-stop bang in my head and an ongoing feeling of nausea.  My friend woke up and lit a cigarette, ugh the smell!  I knew there was no way I was having a cigarette. 

As luck would have it, I started working at home.  When you work at home you no longer go out for a cigarette break with your friends.  Without friends who smoked, asking me to smoke, it was not so difficult to quit smoking.  I have my moments…

1. alcohol

2. seeing people smoke

3. hanging out with smokers

4. stress

5. sex (not currently an issue for me)

6. gambling

I miss my BFF but this is a new smoke free chapter of my life.

I have allowed Facebook to take me…Am I addicted?

I only discovered Facebook two weeks ago and yet, it seems like Facebook and I have been one for all of existence. I imagine to some people over thirty years of age, that have never experienced Facebook, have rigid and full schedules and possibly a very small social circle, I sound insane. I too am questioning my own sanity. Am I addicted to Facebook?

I recently started a new job that requires a lot of social networking. I joined My Space a year ago but have spent very little time on it. I joined Plaxo, Linked In and Tagged. I find that Linked In is very useful and beneficial for professional networking. Plaxo I feel, is nothing more then a glorified address book and I have no idea what Tagged is. Joining Facebook seemed to be the obvious and necessary thing to do if I were to achieve a certain level of networking.

I registered, added a photo, typed a few words about myself and signed off.  I thought I would get an occassional email and sign on to retrieve messages every couple of weeks.  I was naive, I never realized how Facebook would overtake my daily existence.  It started innocently enough, I entered my High School name when prompted.  I did the same thing on My Space and the results were nil at best however, on Facebook, it was as if I hit the jackpot on a slot machine!  The names started rolling up the screen filling my monitor with faces that I haven’t seen in twenty or more years.  My palms became sweaty with anticipation, my heart racing, excited at the possibilities.  Right then and there as I was scanning the list I received a drink.  I was shocked a drink, what is a drink and how did someone send me one?  I followed the instructions and added my first Facebook application, Pass a Drink.  I was hooked line and sinker. 

I found my home!  Facebook is where I can drink for free, talk to old friends, make new ones, save the planet, listen to music, send free gifts, throw snowballs, check my horoscope, poke people, add photos, play poker, feed fish, watch videos, manage my calendar, collect flair, create bumper stickers and be invited to parties by complete strangers all while networking.  The only problem is…there is so much to do on Facebook that I can’t find time to do anything else.  Is that the first sign of having a Facebook addiction?

Places that I have been

I feel like I have traveled the world but after doing this application Trip Advisor on Facebook I realize I have a lot more places to go.

My number one destination is County Cork, Ireland, number two Scotland, number three Sedona, Arizona, number four The Hamptons in New York, then Palm Springs, CA, Denver, CO, Delhai, India and Vietnam.

I hope I make it and I will contiue to update my trip advisor.

• Create your own travel map or travel blog
• Travel Info at TripAdvisor

Penis Girth Test – Toilet Paper Roll

I was looking at my stats this morning and noticed that someone found my blog on there are sex toys everywhere using the search term “toilet paper roll penis contest”.  I had no idea that such a contest existed so, I did what any experienced Internet user would do I googled it.  I didn’t find a contest per say but I did find that there is quite a bit of conversation happening about this subject.  The one forum on the topic I enjoyed the most was on Thunder’s Place.  Apparently, there are men everywhere sticking their penis’ in a toilet paper rolls to determine if they are thick enough or not.  I did laugh out loud reading the posts especially envisioning wives and mothers everywhere wondering what happened to the toilet paper?!

Below is a post on Craig’s List Big Dick Liars.  He obviously is real tired of men lying about their dick size and isn’t afraid to say so, you can read entire post on Craigs List.  Having created hundreds of dicks for consumer sales I would have to agree that there is a dick for everyone!!!

“You’ve all seen it here and everywhere, all these males claiming that their dick is this size or that size. It’s time to bring a lot of that back to reality.

“Big” is mostly a matter of self-deception.

Although there have been quite a few pictures here of male members that truly were freaks of nature, better suited for a side-show than a bedroom, most of us are AVERAGE — that’s the quintessential meaning of the word, and the measure of the word is 6 to 7 inches.

But most males come up with some truly insane and inaccurate ways to measure their cocks.

Here’s some facts and some guidelines for measuring. 

GIRTH.

Girth is a technical term that means “how big around it is.” I know I’ve been using a lot of technical terms here. Get over it. Get a dictionary. And NO, that is NOT a book that tells you how large your penis is, except that a few of you have your pictures next to the words “inflated” “exaggerated” “mendacity” and “fraud.” And — I left out “laughable” and “minuscule.”

The only accurate way to measure the girth of your dick is with a flexible tape measure, the kind you can get at the sewing store — or can borrow from your gay clothing designer best friend. You measure your girth by wrapping the tape measure around the AVERAGE-SIZE part of the shaft of your cock. And you cannot measure the “width” of your dick, because dicks are oval-shaped in cross-section and not all proportionately equal in width by depth. Girth counts. Only. And please don’t say that your dick girth is how WIDE it is, because if your dick were that wide it would not be your penis, it would be the tail of a goddamn beaver.

And when you measure girth, wrap the tape just one time, bitches. One time. If you’re one of those mushroom-headed fuckers, do NOT say your dick girth is the circumference of your mushroom head. That’s a fucking lie, and you know it. If there’s an inch difference between your mushroom head and its supporting structure, and if you think it matters, report both numbers separately. I’ve been told that some dick recipients like a big-ass dick head and a slender shaft to push it in and out. in this case, accurate reporting will get you more ass that actually wants YOUR individual dick.

As far as girth, I won’t speak to “average” except to note that “average” girth is proportional to length. The rest of you fuckers can work the numbers. I am not in the business of measuring thousands of dicks to determine “average” girth, or “average” girth vs. length.

But here are a couple of numbers to make you shut your mouth.

A standard 12 oz beer can (Miller, Bud, NOT Coors) is approximately 8 inches in girth. So if you claim a “beer can dick” you better be close to this. Also remember that a standard 12 oz beer can is only 4 3/4 inches tall / long. That means that your “beer can” dick is nearly 20% shorter than average, and too fat to use. Don’t believe me? In the privacy of your own home, try wrapping your lips around a beer can.

Next measure — a paper towel roll. A paper towel roll — exact same size as a toilet paper roll — is just shy of 5 1/2 inches in girth. Again, in the privacy of your own home, maybe the next time you’re sitting on the toilet jacking off (that may be right now for some of you), see if you can put your dick inside the toilet paper roll. If you can, then your dick girth is LESS than 5 1/2 inches.

I won’t offer any smaller standards for dick girth comparison, because some of you might get your feelings hurt.

Does your penis girth measure up?

Political Sex Toys and Porno

This is not Sarah Palin Inflatable Love Doll was the hot topic worldwide but fame only lasts a brief moment!  Luckily there is the new porn Who’s Nailin’ Paylin from Hustler Video and the new official Obama toy Head O State. 

I am sparked that Topco Sales took advantage of the small window of opportunity to promote and sell the Sarah Palin Inflatable Love Doll I believe the item sold over 2000 pieces in the first week of release!!!  Now what cums next?  Any ideas let me know!