Penis Girth Test – Toilet Paper Roll

I was looking at my stats this morning and noticed that someone found my blog on there are sex toys everywhere using the search term “toilet paper roll penis contest”.  I had no idea that such a contest existed so, I did what any experienced Internet user would do I googled it.  I didn’t find a contest per say but I did find that there is quite a bit of conversation happening about this subject.  The one forum on the topic I enjoyed the most was on Thunder’s Place.  Apparently, there are men everywhere sticking their penis’ in a toilet paper rolls to determine if they are thick enough or not.  I did laugh out loud reading the posts especially envisioning wives and mothers everywhere wondering what happened to the toilet paper?!

Below is a post on Craig’s List Big Dick Liars.  He obviously is real tired of men lying about their dick size and isn’t afraid to say so, you can read entire post on Craigs List.  Having created hundreds of dicks for consumer sales I would have to agree that there is a dick for everyone!!!

“You’ve all seen it here and everywhere, all these males claiming that their dick is this size or that size. It’s time to bring a lot of that back to reality.

“Big” is mostly a matter of self-deception.

Although there have been quite a few pictures here of male members that truly were freaks of nature, better suited for a side-show than a bedroom, most of us are AVERAGE — that’s the quintessential meaning of the word, and the measure of the word is 6 to 7 inches.

But most males come up with some truly insane and inaccurate ways to measure their cocks.

Here’s some facts and some guidelines for measuring. 


Girth is a technical term that means “how big around it is.” I know I’ve been using a lot of technical terms here. Get over it. Get a dictionary. And NO, that is NOT a book that tells you how large your penis is, except that a few of you have your pictures next to the words “inflated” “exaggerated” “mendacity” and “fraud.” And — I left out “laughable” and “minuscule.”

The only accurate way to measure the girth of your dick is with a flexible tape measure, the kind you can get at the sewing store — or can borrow from your gay clothing designer best friend. You measure your girth by wrapping the tape measure around the AVERAGE-SIZE part of the shaft of your cock. And you cannot measure the “width” of your dick, because dicks are oval-shaped in cross-section and not all proportionately equal in width by depth. Girth counts. Only. And please don’t say that your dick girth is how WIDE it is, because if your dick were that wide it would not be your penis, it would be the tail of a goddamn beaver.

And when you measure girth, wrap the tape just one time, bitches. One time. If you’re one of those mushroom-headed fuckers, do NOT say your dick girth is the circumference of your mushroom head. That’s a fucking lie, and you know it. If there’s an inch difference between your mushroom head and its supporting structure, and if you think it matters, report both numbers separately. I’ve been told that some dick recipients like a big-ass dick head and a slender shaft to push it in and out. in this case, accurate reporting will get you more ass that actually wants YOUR individual dick.

As far as girth, I won’t speak to “average” except to note that “average” girth is proportional to length. The rest of you fuckers can work the numbers. I am not in the business of measuring thousands of dicks to determine “average” girth, or “average” girth vs. length.

But here are a couple of numbers to make you shut your mouth.

A standard 12 oz beer can (Miller, Bud, NOT Coors) is approximately 8 inches in girth. So if you claim a “beer can dick” you better be close to this. Also remember that a standard 12 oz beer can is only 4 3/4 inches tall / long. That means that your “beer can” dick is nearly 20% shorter than average, and too fat to use. Don’t believe me? In the privacy of your own home, try wrapping your lips around a beer can.

Next measure — a paper towel roll. A paper towel roll — exact same size as a toilet paper roll — is just shy of 5 1/2 inches in girth. Again, in the privacy of your own home, maybe the next time you’re sitting on the toilet jacking off (that may be right now for some of you), see if you can put your dick inside the toilet paper roll. If you can, then your dick girth is LESS than 5 1/2 inches.

I won’t offer any smaller standards for dick girth comparison, because some of you might get your feelings hurt.

Does your penis girth measure up?

Does your penis girth measure up?


7 Responses to Penis Girth Test – Toilet Paper Roll

  1. Tim Crawford says:

    And if it doesn’t come out the other end of the tp roll, you have been “shorted.”

  2. Surfer says:

    Interesting, I have bigger girth than 5 1/2 inch because it seems that my penis dont fit in the roll, dam I didnt know that I am in just 3 % of gays, thanks very much !

  3. Donald says:

    7 inches in length, just over 5.5 inches around…guess I am proportional. My wife just loves to suck it.

  4. Yahoo News says:

    Yahoo News…

    This is really great news today….

  5. Jim J. says:

    Out of the thousands of people speaking about girth, you’re the first one that’s brought up the simple truth of not measuring your head. Apparently, you’re the first one that’s actually used your “head” on this. I can’t tell you how many guys I see saying “I can’t fit the toilet paper tube over the head so I must be big” etc. Foolishness. Now we can all move on with our lives.

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  7. click says:

    This blog site has got a lot of really helpful info on it! Thank you for sharing it with me!

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